I Thought I Was An Introvert. Turns Out I Was Anxious as #@*] (Dear SQL DBA Episode 53)

In this week’s episode, I’m not answering a reader’s question. Instead, I’m talking about my personal experience with anxiety.

This episode touches on on healthcare, religion, and squishy emotions — and there’s at least one curse word. I don’t talk tech in this episode. (Don’t worry, there’s more of that coming in future weeks.)

Oh, and there’s a drawing below, if you want the super-short version.

Audio version

No time to watch right now? Listen on the go! This is available in podcast format on iTunes , on Google Play, or plug this RSS feed into your favorite podcast app: http://dearsqldba.libsyn.com/rss

Video version

Poster version

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25 Comments. Leave new

  • Thanks Kendra! I appreciate your transparency on this subject. Personally, I take meds but for depression, not anxiety and it was tough to start as you said. I’m super active physically (which helps tremendously with the depression) and I also attend church ~ which for me is the primary “fix” for all that ails me. I also have a job (not a career) and I am way down the line in that respect so I have it WAY easier than you. Being self-employed would cause me great anxiety. Enjoyed seeing you at PASS and hearing you teach in person.

    • Hi Tony, and thanks very much for your comment! We have a lot in common, I think 🙂 Today I have quite a few aches from yesterday’s workout, but I’m so happy to have built the habit of exercising enough that it feels like a good, positive thing, because I know I’m getting stronger. I never would have imagined that in the past.

  • Hi Kendra, I identified completely with you. I had a very similar situation some time ago, thank you about sharing your experience.

  • What an incredibly brave and open talk. I really struggled with anxiety in my twenties and thirties (my kids called me “Momk” for Monk because I, too, checked the stove. Several times. You can’t be too sure.). I found once I hit my forties, a lot of it eased for me. I wish I would not have been afraid to look for help; it would have spared me twenty years of unnecessary self-torment. I really admire you for reaching out to help others going through the same silent struggle. Kudos.

    • It’s not just me with the stove! I am happy to say that I do still check it after using it (because I have forgotten and left it on before – esp when heating up a cast iron pan with a bit of oil for a few minutes after cleaning it), but checking only once is good enough now. Thanks so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience.

  • My big Anxiety Monster is SQL Server. I don’t have problems talking in front of 200 people, or meeting 20 people at a party… that’s a slice of cake for me. But if I create a stored procedure I need to check if is running multiple times. And what column is updating? Maybe is storing the wrong value! Maybe the problems is in the next 1000 rows?! I need to check deeper…
    I know it might sound silly but I have no idea how you can be a chilled out SQL DBA and to me you look like a hero. I admire you and I hope one day I will have the self confidence you have with SSMS.
    You are my doctor actually 🙂

  • Hi Kendra,

    this is really brave. Thank you for sharing this!

    All the best and I hope you will have a great friendship with your anxiety monster someday. 😉


    • Thanks, Thomas. I feel like the bravery happens mostly when you feel very vulnerable. It is hardest when you get started with something like this. Once you start to figure out things that work for you, then it gets easier to talk about— but it’s difficult to see that back at the beginning.

  • Thanks Kendra!… Maybe it’s time for me to review the relationship I have with my front door…. and why I have to check it multiple times when I go to bed.

    You are truly helping to make the world a better place, one DBA at a time.

    Take care and stay well.

    Bob :0)

  • Wow. Just wow. What a wonderful podcast. Too many times we look at a person and say, “Why can’t I be perfect like…..”. To see someone like you struggle with some of the same issues I do makes me feel like I’m not alone. There are better days. I will get better at SQL. Better at making friends. Better at life. There are so many more things I can say about this podcast. I guess the best thing I can say is “Thank you”!!

  • […] MCT Andrew Bettany’s guest blog about his popular standing-room-only Ignite session. • I Thought I Was An Introvert. Turns Out I Was Anxious as #@*(: Kendra Little talks about her personal experience with anxiety with a drawing and a audio version […]

  • Breakfast and lunch with strangers at PASS Summit is one of my favourite things.

  • This was so refreshing and amazing; huge kudos to you for talking about it openly and candidly. Keep up the awesome work! I have loved ones who suffer from anxiety as well, and have tried CBT and other things, and it can be such a crazy frustrating journey. So again, just wanted to say, really big props for putting your story out there!

  • Good talk: thanks! I always considered myself a functional introvert but maybe I too am coming at it from the wrong direction to see it properly…

    • It’s funny, I am not sure if I would classify myself as an introvert anymore. I do still love spending time alone and losing myself in drawing or making something. But now I find spending time with other people can also be energizing, and give me creative ideas, too. I think you can keep your introvert self if you want, and possibly just add in the ability to enjoy things normally associated with extroverts more, if you want, if that makes sense.

  • Wow! Just got around to catching up with podcasts after the Summit. I really appreciate you sharing this. You’re awesome.

  • Thanks Kendra… this post was a surprise to me (as I would think was the case with some of your regular “Dear SQL DBA” followers who may have not seen this one coming…). All I can say is “Thank You” because, just as the episodes with the SQL technical stuff, there was a lot to think about in this video (at least for me) and sharing these stories takes courage.

  • […] the way, I have matured as a person. I started working on my anxiety, and learned techniques to get the most out of […]


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